Strange Emotions

He Asked: Are you Unhappy?

She Said: Happy enough...


Weird playing with words sometimes we create our own phrases... that still never seem to identify with our true emotions... Sometimes I wonder if speech or language really was the best way to communicate...

All the words in the world couldn't explain my feelings.. My heart finds it difficult to explain it to my mind, how can I expect the world outside to understand...

And I'm afraid to sleep
cause if I do I'll dream of you
And the dreams are always deep
on the pillow where I'll weep

Now time doesn't stand still -- it crawls....



Dido- Afraid to sleep...

There She Goes...

She's walkin on a road looks neverending... bright sunshine, sound of the rufflin leaves and the fragrance of pink blossoms... She walks but doesn't smile... she's calm though, finally calm. She hears a boy scream somewhere behind the trees and rushes towards him following the pain...It was hypnotizing, the pain... She left the blossoms for it... her feet ached yet she ran to the boy... There he was stuck inside a giant seed, wanting to grow out crying out loud to her.... She sang to him and the seed started crackin... n like the rise of the phoenix the boy grew out a man... suddenly there was sunlight again but this time it shone on him... She smiled after a long time.... the birds and the bees came by to see the marvel the boy had turned to and she smiled again...She walked again, this time with the boy....but there was no road ahead... the sunshine on the boy glittered so much that she couldn't see the way anymore.... In fact she couldn't even see the boy anymore.. there was only shimmer! She lost her way, she knew that... she kept walkin there was no sun now... no light around just the darkness, it was soothing to her now- the darkness... faint light of the stars, no moon though... it was all gone... she tread on.. the road under her feet became colder, it was a sheet of ice now.... she walked with no path ahead just walked to know more... as if she was looking for something, lookin for the sun, or the boy to see his glitter again... n then there was a cracking sound- a loud roar indeed, the ice had cracked, her feet in cold water now... she was drownin... she tried screamin but the words never came out... she wanted to shout for help but there was no sound, fightin to breathe the last thought she had- "Why? Who am I callin out to?"

Love Ramblings II

They say "Its better to have loved n failed than to have never loved at all.." I believed in this, till today... I lived my life with no regrets until today... I sat by the window staring into the sky, thinkin... of the times when I hadn't loved anyone from my heart.. Those were the times when I thought of how beautiful love wud be and how much I would love to completely give myself away for the person I loved... I dreamt of all the silly talks and those sweet nothings, the laughter, the smiles, the passionate kisses and the lonely nights of yearning... I knew there wud be pain but the pain of being away was a sweet pain.. somewhere there was hope... I dreamt of something beautiful and I knew that when I love, it would last forever just as I had always read about... Then when the sweet teens came and so came the times when people had their biggest and greatest love affairs, I thought of not stopping back too! After all "its better to have loved n failed than to have never loved at all...!!!" I loved.. we failed! and what am I left with now... a memory of the greatest love ever, everything perfect, the joys and the pain..!But it all broke down, cuz that's what happens in reality! These are the things they dont write about... People who know nothing about love write the greatest love poems! n Now that I know that I had the best love affair and everything was great and it still broke down, I dont know what to look forward to!! Just memories that get me down..
Wouldn't it have been better if I had never tried to love, never given in... atleast I wud still be hoping for something beautiful, My faith wud have been alive... I wud have been Livin and not just surviving! Wudn't that be a much better place to be in..? They should have laws against people who break your faith in somethin as precious as love and then profess about Love!!!!

Lost...

When I was young I used to talk to myself every night and think of all the good things I did that day and all the Bad things I did and it made me feel good. Always looking out to take control of my life. I it was like the balance sheet of my life where the Goods had to be greater than the Bads and where one gentle thing I did for someone balanced for anything mean I did that day… gradually as life got along I had too many things on my plate, too many tasks to be done, too many people to meet… and at the end of the day if I sat to think what I did I just had the tasks done… My sweet little thinking time became a time where I would check if I had completed everything I had to in that day… There was no more counting of the goods and the bads… The words had lost their meaning…I was so caught up with things I had to get done and people I had to see and talk to, I never realized that I had lost my goods and bads… it wasn’t with the heart then just the brain working…. Today it rained and just for a moment I sat and looked outside and I remembered the little goods and bad I once had and how it changed to a score card! I had all the ticks but there was still no happiness, no stress for sure but no happiness either…. I have what I wanted! My tasks are done!! I have some time now..but I feel like I have lost something! Something big on the way… God gimme a rewind button, I guess my whole strategy was messed up…. I wanna relive!