Lost...

When I was young I used to talk to myself every night and think of all the good things I did that day and all the Bad things I did and it made me feel good. Always looking out to take control of my life. I it was like the balance sheet of my life where the Goods had to be greater than the Bads and where one gentle thing I did for someone balanced for anything mean I did that day… gradually as life got along I had too many things on my plate, too many tasks to be done, too many people to meet… and at the end of the day if I sat to think what I did I just had the tasks done… My sweet little thinking time became a time where I would check if I had completed everything I had to in that day… There was no more counting of the goods and the bads… The words had lost their meaning…I was so caught up with things I had to get done and people I had to see and talk to, I never realized that I had lost my goods and bads… it wasn’t with the heart then just the brain working…. Today it rained and just for a moment I sat and looked outside and I remembered the little goods and bad I once had and how it changed to a score card! I had all the ticks but there was still no happiness, no stress for sure but no happiness either…. I have what I wanted! My tasks are done!! I have some time now..but I feel like I have lost something! Something big on the way… God gimme a rewind button, I guess my whole strategy was messed up…. I wanna relive!