Thursday, August 21, 2008

Can We Define Love?

They say that the most important thing in any relationship is the level of understanding between two people and the love between them. How exactly would you define love here? I don’t get it! They say that when you are in love you just get to know. You feel happy, you feel like smiling, you keep thinking of the person you are in love with and all you can do is dream of a future with them. Now comes the truth… Its just human tendency to love getting appreciated, to love being loved. So isn’t it just the feeling of being in love and being loved in return that we are actually in love with and not the person himself? Does the person have anything to do with this? Probably not! That’s what gives us the ability to pick up the ashes of a burnt relationship and move on, in the look of another… You are actually looking for another person whom you could love better… who could love you better… Make you feel better… But, why the need? You could be in love with anything! For me, I fall in love with my music! There are songs that I hear that keep me smiling all day! Isn’t that something love should be doing to you? Well… I think what gives love with a partner and a relationship a deeper meaning is the intimacy that the couple shares. The sexual chemistry… Every other thing can be worked upon in a relationship! (Unless your partner is fucked in the brain, ref. post “Love Turns To Hatred”) If your partner is a good lover, if he knows how to work his way to give you the most awesome orgasm you can ever imagine… You know exactly what to do… Grab him for life and never let go! So, if we had to define love, we could put it as an emotion that you have for a person who makes you feel good while you love him and while he loves you… And of course where the Sex is sizzling!!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Love- A Gamble?

When it comes to men… why are women always ready to gamble? It is a gamble, isn’t it? You invest your time, money, emotions and just a lot of love and you never know of the outcome! Whatever the outcome may be, there still is the never-ending energy to keep looking for the right guy! Why is there always that hope that someone might just come your way who’ll be just perfect and in reality with every relationship you learn to just lower your bars a little. So what are we doing at the end of the day? Compromising! Not while we are in a relationship but as we transition from one to another… Is’nt that true? Everytime a relationship ends we console ourselves remembering everything that was wrong in it and swearing never to get into a relationship with a guy with those kind of issues. And we stick to our word of finding a guy free all the issues of our “Ex” but we also lower our bar in terms of other things that we need of our relationship. And then there are new problems, newer issues… But you know what’s the best part? Everytime you discover new problems you also discover something new about yourself…And I think it is this, that makes us want to get into a new relationship everytime.. It’s a quest of knowing our own emotions well enough to be able to control each one of these emotions someday…We are always ready to gamble on this one! Somehow there is always a hope that keeps telling you that just two more steps, just one more step, and he’ll be right there. Sure there will still be issues and there will be compromises but it’ll last and will last forever, with me happy and him even happier!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

What's Your Share In My Happiness?

I was reading this book yesterday and I can't help but wonder now... We give shares of our happiness to all the people we know and whenever someone decides to not care of our happiness anymore they leave! That’s when you realize that a share of your happiness is missing! It’s like a circle that we build around us of people holding on to our happiness in their hands... But what needs to be remembered is that- it is you, at the end of the day, who give these people shares of your happiness... You need to decide how much can you trust each person with a share of your happiness! Don’t we always tend to give a major share to just one person? A person who claims to give us all the happiness in the world but never really does. And when this one person betrays you… you realize that you lost out on a huge share...

Have I been able to see the rest of the hands holding their shares at this time? They are still holding on to their shares even when you were busy ignoring them… They were still there carefully nurturing the decreasing happiness share they had... Do we realize that no matter what… We do tend to take the people who love us the most for granted? And that’s when we keep reducing the happiness share in their hands... If I could just resolve to trust the right people with my share of happiness, I know I can stay happy! I don't want to loose trust in all those other hands just because the hand that held the maximum share betrayed me… I am going to learn to trust the other hands again. That’s life! Right?

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Love Turns To Hatred!

Sometimes pain gets too much to handle and this is not the kind of pain a painkiller can help you with..! And most of the times the most painful part about the pain in your heart is the person who has caused this to you.. You would have ignored it had the person not been that important! I am in so much pain right now, I jus want to vent out, so please excuse the abuses and harshness of this post..!

I have been hurt! Hurt by someone I thought was least harmful! My best friend! So called! He hurt me so bad that it almost seems like a mockery to even call him my best friend any more. I realize after all this that in reality I never really knew him. That’s where I had the first thought of this post… Are we living the life of a person people see us to be and pretending to be this superficial person, while being our own dirty ugly disgusting self within? I saw the “made up” side of my pseudo best friend ( I hate just saying best friend again and again!) and then suddenly I caught a glimpse of this ugly side! N a side so ugly that I was shocked! I wanted to run away from everything to a place where I didn’t have to trust anyone! This was a moment where I thought my trust in fact my faith in a person was lost forever. Suddenly I felt, what if everything I ever believed in came to an end just like this image! I feel so angry with him for hurting me so bad. I never knew I would do this but I want to curse him! My fingers are a little jittery as I type this in but I am too overpowered by hatred for him right now! I curse him to miss me every single moment and not have any way of getting in touch with me. I want him to feel guilty for all that he did for me and never be able to apologize for it! I want him to read all the bullshit emails he sent me and cry at each word that he wrote! I want him to cry so loud that he needs a pillow to cover his mouth while crying! I wish he chokes on that pillow! I wish he cries for help at a time when only I can hear him! I wish he calls my name and screams out for me and gets terrified when he does not find me with him! I wish he sees me extremely happy with someone else who knows how to take care of me and does everything that he was not ready to do and dies of jealousy! I wish he has to smile on my wedding day when I am in the arms of the most gorgeously affectionate guy and he is all alone! I wish he does not get to sleep! I wish he can never sleep peacefully. I wish I haunt all his dreams whenever he wants to sleep! I wish his birthday this year gets him horrible news and he cries all day! I wish he feels hurt and dejected! I wish he feels ignored and not loved and cared for I wish he is taken for granted by someone he wants to give his life for! I wish he is never happy personally whatever he may do for himself professionally! I wish he cuts his hand 7 times for the letters in my name! I wish he never enjoys a single party he goes to! I wish every time he sits to drink he thinks of me and cries! I wish he cant develop any sinful habit to give him relief and peace from my thoughts and the guilt of what he did to me! I wish he never realizes the pleasure of having erotic Sex! I wish he never really makes love to anyone! I wish he sees my face in every girl he thinks of dating! I wish he cries and begs to God to be able to meet me to apologize and he never manages to do that! I wish I could slap him really hard!! I wish I really could tell him what a jerk he is and how much I hate him! I wish that he dies the most painful death ever!!!!!

He tells me at the end.. “If you still wanna be friends I will be more than happy” Blah! No! You motherfucking bastard!!!!! I never wanna see your fucked up face again in my entire life!!!! You take your filthy fucked up brain somewhere and go fuck itself even harder! Go screw your own happiness cuz nobody is even interested in doing that for you! Go die someplace! Get lost you asshole!! You are such a looser!!!! You fucked up my beautiful dream so bad! I am never going to forgive you for this! Never! Ever!! No matter how much my heart tells me to..! I am ready to go to hell for not forgiving you and for cursing you but I want you to die of my curses! I want you to drown in your own tears!!! The only sound you hear should be my voice and I won’t respond to you! The only face you see should be mine and that will fill you with guilt for how you treated me! Go fuck yourself someplace and never reach an orgasm! Bastard!