And I'm afraid to sleep
cause if I do I'll dream of you
And the dreams are always deep
on the pillow where I'll weep

Now time doesn't stand still -- it crawls....



Dido- Afraid to sleep...

There She Goes...

She's walkin on a road looks neverending... bright sunshine, sound of the rufflin leaves and the fragrance of pink blossoms... She walks but doesn't smile... she's calm though, finally calm. She hears a boy scream somewhere behind the trees and rushes towards him following the pain...It was hypnotizing, the pain... She left the blossoms for it... her feet ached yet she ran to the boy... There he was stuck inside a giant seed, wanting to grow out crying out loud to her.... She sang to him and the seed started crackin... n like the rise of the phoenix the boy grew out a man... suddenly there was sunlight again but this time it shone on him... She smiled after a long time.... the birds and the bees came by to see the marvel the boy had turned to and she smiled again...She walked again, this time with the boy....but there was no road ahead... the sunshine on the boy glittered so much that she couldn't see the way anymore.... In fact she couldn't even see the boy anymore.. there was only shimmer! She lost her way, she knew that... she kept walkin there was no sun now... no light around just the darkness, it was soothing to her now- the darkness... faint light of the stars, no moon though... it was all gone... she tread on.. the road under her feet became colder, it was a sheet of ice now.... she walked with no path ahead just walked to know more... as if she was looking for something, lookin for the sun, or the boy to see his glitter again... n then there was a cracking sound- a loud roar indeed, the ice had cracked, her feet in cold water now... she was drownin... she tried screamin but the words never came out... she wanted to shout for help but there was no sound, fightin to breathe the last thought she had- "Why? Who am I callin out to?"

Love Ramblings II

They say "Its better to have loved n failed than to have never loved at all.." I believed in this, till today... I lived my life with no regrets until today... I sat by the window staring into the sky, thinkin... of the times when I hadn't loved anyone from my heart.. Those were the times when I thought of how beautiful love wud be and how much I would love to completely give myself away for the person I loved... I dreamt of all the silly talks and those sweet nothings, the laughter, the smiles, the passionate kisses and the lonely nights of yearning... I knew there wud be pain but the pain of being away was a sweet pain.. somewhere there was hope... I dreamt of something beautiful and I knew that when I love, it would last forever just as I had always read about... Then when the sweet teens came and so came the times when people had their biggest and greatest love affairs, I thought of not stopping back too! After all "its better to have loved n failed than to have never loved at all...!!!" I loved.. we failed! and what am I left with now... a memory of the greatest love ever, everything perfect, the joys and the pain..!But it all broke down, cuz that's what happens in reality! These are the things they dont write about... People who know nothing about love write the greatest love poems! n Now that I know that I had the best love affair and everything was great and it still broke down, I dont know what to look forward to!! Just memories that get me down..
Wouldn't it have been better if I had never tried to love, never given in... atleast I wud still be hoping for something beautiful, My faith wud have been alive... I wud have been Livin and not just surviving! Wudn't that be a much better place to be in..? They should have laws against people who break your faith in somethin as precious as love and then profess about Love!!!!

Lost...

When I was young I used to talk to myself every night and think of all the good things I did that day and all the Bad things I did and it made me feel good. Always looking out to take control of my life. I it was like the balance sheet of my life where the Goods had to be greater than the Bads and where one gentle thing I did for someone balanced for anything mean I did that day… gradually as life got along I had too many things on my plate, too many tasks to be done, too many people to meet… and at the end of the day if I sat to think what I did I just had the tasks done… My sweet little thinking time became a time where I would check if I had completed everything I had to in that day… There was no more counting of the goods and the bads… The words had lost their meaning…I was so caught up with things I had to get done and people I had to see and talk to, I never realized that I had lost my goods and bads… it wasn’t with the heart then just the brain working…. Today it rained and just for a moment I sat and looked outside and I remembered the little goods and bad I once had and how it changed to a score card! I had all the ticks but there was still no happiness, no stress for sure but no happiness either…. I have what I wanted! My tasks are done!! I have some time now..but I feel like I have lost something! Something big on the way… God gimme a rewind button, I guess my whole strategy was messed up…. I wanna relive!

Love Ramblings...

Love is a search
A wheel.. a line..
The open road
the steep incline
Things speeding by
the final turn in view
Next: Something disastrous
Overwhelming, New..!

They say- "Happiness is a state of mind” But if you have had your true love and lost it, then the rest is just settling isn’t it?

Que Sera Sera

Sometimes the most beautiful things happen to you when you least expect them to! I took a trip and it has proven to be the best time ever spent... Random stuff but I realized that I did everything that gets me extremely close to myself, my thoughts...! Met lots and lots of people from sooo many different parts of the world, different industries, lifestyles... It was brilliant.. Like I was sleeping all this while and the sun was trying hard to peep into my blanket! The blanket is off now.. I can see the sun.. I see things in a different light now...And it sure is beautiful...Makes me feel, Not everything you are obsessed with, is worth getting obsessed over!! People live their lives in soo many different ways, it makes me think what all I could have done! I am a sucker for stability in my life, to an extent that if i don't know what I have planned next for myself professionally or personally, it gets me miserable! I am returning to my city today, rejuvenated!! I now know that's its ok! That its fine to let go and not think of the future.. Its okie not knowing whats next sometimes.. Life still goes on and it pretty much ROCKS!! :D

Wishin n Hoping...

There's a place in the sun where all dreams come true...where my heart glows and eyes smile. Before my life is done, I will find this place.. This place where there's hope for everyone, joy in every heart.. Smilin faces looking at me lovingly..Love that's true! This world I know, is a facade but I believe that there is a miracle waiting to happen on just another ordinary day for me! Like an old dusty road, I get weary from the load...but I move on, my hope and dreams lead me... I believe!

A Few Of My Favorite Things...

Its been long since I wrote something here... I was thinking yesterday over a cup of coffee of all the beautiful things that make me wanna hope for another day in my life and penned down a few things that I truly love... Things that make me smile, no matter what...

- Rain splashing in the ocean
- The early morning Smell of Freshly Baked bread
- Daisies, Daffodils, Lilies and Larkspurs...
- Smell of Coffee Beans
- Dido's Voice after a stressful day
- Ocean waves lashing on the shore
- The smell of wet mud... n better still, playing with it!
- A child's bright, happy, curious and hopeful eyes
- A warm cozy 'I will always be there for you' hug
- Cold winter breeze on my face..
- Sun rising from a neverending sea
- Wild horses in the meadows..
- The feeling of sand grains on my bare feet
- Full moon nights..
- Sun peeping out of the dark clouds...
- Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
- and since this list is getting too long..the last one... the sound of heartbeat... the sound of life itself..

Life indeed is beautiful...