Love Turns To Hatred!

Sometimes pain gets too much to handle and this is not the kind of pain a painkiller can help you with..! And most of the times the most painful part about the pain in your heart is the person who has caused this to you.. You would have ignored it had the person not been that important! I am in so much pain right now, I jus want to vent out, so please excuse the abuses and harshness of this post..!

I have been hurt! Hurt by someone I thought was least harmful! My best friend! So called! He hurt me so bad that it almost seems like a mockery to even call him my best friend any more. I realize after all this that in reality I never really knew him. That’s where I had the first thought of this post… Are we living the life of a person people see us to be and pretending to be this superficial person, while being our own dirty ugly disgusting self within? I saw the “made up” side of my pseudo best friend ( I hate just saying best friend again and again!) and then suddenly I caught a glimpse of this ugly side! N a side so ugly that I was shocked! I wanted to run away from everything to a place where I didn’t have to trust anyone! This was a moment where I thought my trust in fact my faith in a person was lost forever. Suddenly I felt, what if everything I ever believed in came to an end just like this image! I feel so angry with him for hurting me so bad. I never knew I would do this but I want to curse him! My fingers are a little jittery as I type this in but I am too overpowered by hatred for him right now! I curse him to miss me every single moment and not have any way of getting in touch with me. I want him to feel guilty for all that he did for me and never be able to apologize for it! I want him to read all the bullshit emails he sent me and cry at each word that he wrote! I want him to cry so loud that he needs a pillow to cover his mouth while crying! I wish he chokes on that pillow! I wish he cries for help at a time when only I can hear him! I wish he calls my name and screams out for me and gets terrified when he does not find me with him! I wish he sees me extremely happy with someone else who knows how to take care of me and does everything that he was not ready to do and dies of jealousy! I wish he has to smile on my wedding day when I am in the arms of the most gorgeously affectionate guy and he is all alone! I wish he does not get to sleep! I wish he can never sleep peacefully. I wish I haunt all his dreams whenever he wants to sleep! I wish his birthday this year gets him horrible news and he cries all day! I wish he feels hurt and dejected! I wish he feels ignored and not loved and cared for I wish he is taken for granted by someone he wants to give his life for! I wish he is never happy personally whatever he may do for himself professionally! I wish he cuts his hand 7 times for the letters in my name! I wish he never enjoys a single party he goes to! I wish every time he sits to drink he thinks of me and cries! I wish he cant develop any sinful habit to give him relief and peace from my thoughts and the guilt of what he did to me! I wish he never realizes the pleasure of having erotic Sex! I wish he never really makes love to anyone! I wish he sees my face in every girl he thinks of dating! I wish he cries and begs to God to be able to meet me to apologize and he never manages to do that! I wish I could slap him really hard!! I wish I really could tell him what a jerk he is and how much I hate him! I wish that he dies the most painful death ever!!!!!

He tells me at the end.. “If you still wanna be friends I will be more than happy” Blah! No! You motherfucking bastard!!!!! I never wanna see your fucked up face again in my entire life!!!! You take your filthy fucked up brain somewhere and go fuck itself even harder! Go screw your own happiness cuz nobody is even interested in doing that for you! Go die someplace! Get lost you asshole!! You are such a looser!!!! You fucked up my beautiful dream so bad! I am never going to forgive you for this! Never! Ever!! No matter how much my heart tells me to..! I am ready to go to hell for not forgiving you and for cursing you but I want you to die of my curses! I want you to drown in your own tears!!! The only sound you hear should be my voice and I won’t respond to you! The only face you see should be mine and that will fill you with guilt for how you treated me! Go fuck yourself someplace and never reach an orgasm! Bastard!